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Post by mockingbird on Sept 19, 2008 21:15:07 GMT -5
Let us know what you think!
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Post by tonyclifton on Sept 21, 2008 21:45:08 GMT -5
Great start Pat! Interesting take on GA's origin and I can't wait to see where this goes.
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Post by impulseallen on Sept 22, 2008 20:45:42 GMT -5
Thanks! I wanted to put a whole new spin on all the characters, the most drastic of course was the change of Roy's age to match Ollie's. Great cover on your part Chris! Very dynamic with the face in the background as well!
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Post by lafftrack7 on Dec 13, 2008 14:51:52 GMT -5
Okay, a pretty darn good start. The characters seem solid and I'm liking the rivalry. The relationships feel natural and the dialogue works. I like how you changed Roy, too.
Still, I saw a small number of grammatical errors throughout the story. My biggest criticism is that there are several scenes in here that don't feel developed enough. The scene where Robert confronts King is a good example, and the explosion scene went by *way* too quickly. I'd also like to know more about Ollie's education, but I won't rush you on that.
I do look forward to the next ish, though.
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