“We need a plan!”
“And I have one. We go in, we kick his ass, we get out. There, it’s a plan.”
“We need a better plan!”
“R, we can—“
Renee’s temper flared and she whirled from facing Ivy to facing Zatanna, one black-gloved hand grabbing at the other girl’s lapel as her cape swirled and slapped Ivy’s legs. She hissed, “just because
you don’t need to keep your secret identity…” then trailed off and took several deep, centering breaths. “I’m sorry.”
Zatanna looked more than annoyed, but she also closed her eyes momentarily and opened them again with a sly grin. “Let’s hear it then. You got a plan, Batgirl?”
“
I’ve got a plan.”
“Why are
you even here?” Zatanna demanded of Ivy, hands on her hips.
Ivy glared, and crossed her arms over her chest in turn. “What have you got? And I swear to God if you leave me on the sidelines you’ll be next on my list.”
“Hey listen to that, finally you get to the top of the line,” Zatanna cracked, and Renee couldn’t help a stifled laugh, to Ivy’s deepest annoyance.
“Okay…we need to scout first. If he’s alone, then we can work from there. If we’ve got more company—“
“I can take care of that,” said Zatanna with a brilliant shine in her eye. “Elbisivni!” She shouted, and vanished. A few hurried footsteps, and she was gone.
There was a very long moment, and a slight draft fluttered Renee’s cape and Ivy’s hair. The two women stood facing each other, unable to make another useful move for the moment, and neither willing to release the other’s locked gaze.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ivy finally asked, for all the world as if she weren’t returning the same stare.
“Why are you helping us?” Renee asked in return. “Again, even. Why are you always turning up on my side against the Joker?”
“Coincidence,” was Ivy’s reply. “And nothing more than that. Stupid not to side together on the rare chance we got the same goal. And right now, the only goal I have is getting the goddamn Joker back behind bars and getting back to my own damned life.”
“What does it even have to do with you?” Renee’s eyes wanted to narrow under her cowl, but couldn’t manage it. “You were never one to get involved in other people’s business.”
“And why do you care? I’m helping you, I’m going along with whatever stupid thought-out plan you decide you want, and that’s all you have to know,” Ivy snapped back, her glare nearly making Renee break the eye contact. “What do you know about me, anyway? You turn up less than a year ago and team up once, suddenly you know how I work?”
“I’ve followed your career,” said Renee simply, keeping her face particularly blank. There was no need to get Ivy thinking about what that meant. In fact as she thought about it in the quiet moment that followed, Renee knew that it had been a bad idea to say anything at all. But in her time with the police, there had been a few run-ins with Gotham’s first femme fatal.
“Well, you and all of Gotham,” Ivy replied, starting to tap her foot impatiently. “That doesn’t prove anything.”
At that moment, the footsteps returned, and Zatanna materialized with another quiet spell. “Not too much company,” she reported. “Looks like ten or fifteen guys, no more than that. Not all of them with the big man, and I guarantee at least half of them are gonna run away screaming before they do any more damage.”
“Oh, so only fifteen plus the homicidal maniac,” Renee said with mock relief. “I feel better now.”
“Hey, you leave them to me,” Zatanna winked. “Trust me, this is what superpowers are for. I’ll run in,
zap and take care of them, and we’ll be three-on-one against the clown.”
“What are you going to do to them?” Renee asked, with a trace of suspicion coming into her voice.
“Oh come on, nothing permanent. I’m on your side, Batgirl, remember?” Zatanna answered with a grin.
“Just as long as they all wind up behind bars and not six feet under. And that goes double for you,” said Renee, rounding on Ivy.
Ivy only shrugged. “Like I said, your stupid rules. Jut don’t expect me to hold back.”
“Alright. Fine. Let’s just do it,” Renee said quickly, noting the time on her watch. “It’s 2:45! Let’s get this all over with quick before he can do whatever he’s got up his sleeve…before anyone else gets hurt.”
*****
The henchmen were only standing around, waiting for whatever was supposed to happen next. They never heard her coming, with all of the effort she spent on staying unnoticed. She smiled and whispered, “Nrut otni stibbar!”
While the six white rabbits hopped in confused circles, Zatanna stepped out of the shadows in the hall, eyes twinkling. “I love that one so much,” she said to herself, before calling back, “Coast is clear!”
“That can’t be all of them,” said Renee as she came up to the other hero. Ivy followed a few feet behind her, shooing the rabbits away from the tasty-looking leaves on her shoes.
“All in here. Guess the rest are in that one,” Zatanna replied, jabbing a thumb behind her at the large door into the main room. “And don’t worry,” she added as she saw the look that Renee was giving to the rabbits. She muttered another spell, “Nrut kcab otni snamuh ni na ruoh—it isn’t permanent.”
Ivy finally dropped what was left of her calm demeanor and kicked the closest rabbit in the nose. It scampered away with small whining noises, and Renee sighed.
“You know we’re going to have to find him later.”
“You know, I really don’t care.”
“Quiet!” Zatanna’s word silenced everything but the whimpers and the sound of soft feet padding across the floor. Renee and Ivy were both instantly alert, neither of them willing to take their feud into the Joker’s lair. The magician’s eyes had a harder cast to them now; she was more alert and focused, and her jokes had fallen away from her. Renee knew that look. She had put it on more than enough times in her own work. The time to be relaxed was over now, and it was time for the work to begin.
All three of the women looked at each other and nodded. Then Renee kicked the door open.
They were lucky. He was alone. The Joker even looked startled for a moment, before the confident grin slid back into its place. It was always as impressive as it was unnerving to see that smile remain even as his moods changed. Right now, the Joker pouted.
“All this time waiting and you couldn’t be bothered to come yourself?” He asked the sky, standing and folding his arms behind his back as he stepped up to the trio. “I never expected old Batsy to insult me this way!”
“Well I guess he never expected you to be so sloppy,” countered Zatanna, as she stepped in front of the other two.
“Well if it isn’t the little Batling!” Joker cried, looking at the mismatched trio. “And look who’s thrown her career away.” He paced for a few seconds and stopped before Renee. “And you again. Well, I have to admit you’ve managed to surprise me. It isn’t every day a new rodent gets as irritating as the old one!”
Renee clenched her fist and stole a glance at a clock on the wall. The glass was broken and the paint had long since faded from any particular color, but the hands were ticking the time away, and someone (she had a very good idea who) had painted a bomb where the number three had once been. It was already ten minutes to three. Wasting no more time, Renee grabbed the collar of the Joker’s favorite suit. “Where is it!”
Without showing any more emotion than before, he followed her glance to the clock and broke into an even wider grin. “Where is what?”
“Don’t you toy with me!” Renee shook him, and her glare grew just as much as his smile. “We know you’re destroying your evidence, we know there’s a bomb, and we’re shutting it down right now!”
“Now, now, little Bat,” he said to her without much surprise—he should have known better than to trust henchmen with plans—“Do you really expect me to just hand myself over to you when you’ve gotten here so late? You must know me better than that!” With a swift move, Joker rammed his fist into Renee’s stomach, and she broke her hold. “After all, girl, we’ve been dancing like this for how long?”
“Long enough.” Ivy’s own punch slammed into Joker’s cheek with a satisfying
thwack, and Renee got quickly to her feet as Ivy took over his attention. “But I’ve been in this business even longer.”
For her part, Zatanna had stepped just away from the action, keeping a careful eye on the fight as she kept the other on her own work. Her fingers were forming into a sphere, and a small, growing ball of light was lighting the air between them. “Dnif eht bmob,” she whispered to it, and the ball whizzed quickly around the room, searching far more quickly than she would have ever been able to. Her dark eyes followed as the light covered the entire room, and then zipped past her into the hallway. Zatanna could only spare a moment’s glance at Renee before she sped off after it.
The laughter began to ring through the room as another four men came speeding through the other entrance. Renee looked at Ivy and nodded decisively. The redhead gritted her teeth, landed one more punch, and ran to take care of the new situation.
“Alright, you boys are asking for this.” Ivy closed her eyes and stood quite still in the center of a circle of henchmen who had surrounded her. They paused, all of them smart enough to know that something was going to happen to them, but none willing to simply avoid the fight. Two men gritted their teeth and sprang at Ivy, but her defense was already crashing through the floor. Luckily for her, a line of trees stood on the sidewalk outside, and all of them had grown immense with her powers. Twisting roots tangled around the men’s legs, and they fell quickly without landing a scratch on Ivy. She reached down and patted one of the roots with a smirk. “Good girls.”
Renee barely had time to see what was happening behind her. She didn’t dare to take her eyes away from the Joker for any longer than necessary. And he was making a difficult target out of himself, ducking and weaving and inching back, all the while grinning his manic grin. Renee couldn’t help her eyes darting back to the clock. Six minutes.
It took Zatanna another two of those minutes to catch up to her bouncing ball, and she kept her breath even as she knelt over the makeshift bomb, complete with blinking red countdown. “Esuffid ti!” She cried quickly, and the countdown halted. The ball of light zipped away again, and Zatanna breathed a sigh of relief.
In the main room, Ivy finally got behind the Joker and grabbed both of his wrists, wrenching them behind his back as Renee came toward him with another punch. She grabbed her own glance at the clock, and found herself relieved in the way only a hero should have been when Zatanna returned with a satisfied smirk at two minutes to three.
“It’s over,” she announced, her heels clicking as she stepped up to the tableau in front of her. “I took care of the bomb.”
Renee allowed herself half a moment of relaxation before she realized that the Joker had begun to laugh again. Her eyes widened and a sharp chill ran down her spine to her core, and the laughter only grew as the clock ticked away.
“Oh, you beautiful fools, all of you!” The Joker cried with a spasm of glee that shook him hard enough for Ivy to let go of his wrists. His laughter echoed around the room and shook his chest so hard that he could barely get out his triumphant words: “You thought there was only one!”
Renee was frozen for only a fraction of a second. “Get everyone out!” She shouted to Zatanna, who didn’t even waste the time to nod before preparing her spell. Ivy stood rooted to the spot, frozen in fury and glaring her deadliest glare at the Joker, now bent over his desk and laughing more madly than ever.
The clock struck three.
Several things happened all at once. Renee felt a vibration through the building as explosives in hidden places all ignited, all sending shocks straight for the main room. Zatanna shouted a spell that could barely be heard over the sudden noise. A tiny, red-and-black figure ran through the doorway just before it collapsed. Renee shouted a warning and spread out her cape, launching herself into the air and landing on top of Ivy, putting the best shield that she could around them both. A deafening rumble sounded and a blinding flash of light filled the air.
*****
The sun was setting on the rubble that had been an empty building for months before the Joker moved in. The rescue vehicles had pulled away, leaving the scene for the police, and the Batman. Miraculously, there had been no serious injuries.
Renee and Zatanna had finished dragging the last of the henchmen out of the wreckage, and a small pen had been drawn up to contain the rabbits. No more innocents had been hurt, but Renee’s teeth were gritted in anger all the same. Ivy had fled in the confusion, and somehow the Joker had gotten away once again.
“Nothing you could have done, Batgirl,” Zatanna said to her softly, as she roughly tossed the last minion onto the ground. “We got everyone out.”
“We didn’t save anyone,” Renee growled. “All those victims…God, he was done by the time we even got here! We couldn’t help anyone! And he got away to do it all again.”
“Not this time.”
Both girls turned quickly at the sound of the deep voice behind them. They hadn’t even heard the car, but then it was designed for that. They couldn’t tell either how long he had been standing there, but it was a comfort nonetheless to see him.
“So someone’s back from business.” Zatanna broke into a smile and gave a quick hug to the shadowy Batman. “Look at you, go away for ten minutes—“
“This isn’t the time,” said Batman, and she shrugged.
“I’ll save it for later then.”
Renee was still standing a few feet away, her attention divided between her distant mentor, and the idea that was coming into her head.
She didn’t have to move, or even speak. Batman strode up to her, still cloaked in shadows. “Where do you think?”
“I think I see a path off that way,” she said, with a slight shiver at the way he didn’t need to ask the full question. “He might have help, no one’s seen Quinn.”
Batman growled, and turned to study the subtle trail of debris that Renee had pointed out. He walked through the scene and crouched down to look closer, quickly returning to the girls.
“Looks like someone was dragged. I’ll go after him. You take care of them,” he ordered, only giving the slightest double-take to the pen.
Renee nodded quickly, glad in spite of herself to be off the hook. She looked around quickly to be sure that no one else was around, and started, “Bruce, I—“
“You got them out, you tracked him down, you did everything that you could. Now get these men into custody.”
She nodded again, knowing not to expect anything more from him. There would be time later on to deal with her emotions. There was nothing right now but the rest of the case.
“I’ll go with you,” Zatanna said, stepping back up to him. “I’ll help out, especially if it’s gonna be two on one in there. Wherever ‘there’ ends up.”
But Batman shook his head. “There are too many here. Help Batgirl. Then track down Poison Ivy, I want to know where she’s gone. I want to talk to her myself.”
“She really was helping,” said Zatanna offhand. “I know you and your bad guys but she actually was.”
“Zana,” he said quietly, his eyes looking straight ahead but his hand finding her arm. “This is between me and the Joker right now. Help Batgirl, or don’t, but I’m doing this alone.”
She caught his eye for a moment and nodded. “Do what you gotta do. Just remember you’ve got friends when through with it.”
He gave her another moment’s glance, then shot another at Renee before taking off on foot, following what there was of a trail and leaving the two women behind with their tasks.
*****
Harley breathed a weary sigh and slumped against the wall of the warehouse that she’d finally found, letting her tired arms fall to her sides and her blue eyes study the Joker’s face. He had been knocked out by his own blast, and she had only just gotten him away from the scene while the heroes had searched for survivors. Now she willed herself to relax before he woke up, knowing somewhere deep down that she was going to be blamed for everything that had gone wrong, and knowing that she deserved to be. She had planned to let Ivy out, after all, even if it hadn’t actually been done by her. Harley had planned to go against him, and somehow she knew that he would know that when he woke.
She wrung her hands together as she watched him slowly breathing, realizing suddenly that her hat had gone, and most of the make-up had sweated away from her face.
“Oh Mister J, I’m sorry,” she said softly, one hand hesitating before brushing a lock of green hair away from his pale brow. He stirred, and before she could prepare any more his eyes snapped open, alert in an instant.
His eyes caught hers for a moment, but didn’t keep them. As he sat up and looked around the empty space the Joker’s grin already began to turn sour. “What is this? What have you done now?”
“I got you out,” Harley said brightly, putting on only a slightly bigger smile than she wanted to after seeing him well. “Everything was going all explodey and you were caught up in it, and it was all over anyway by then so I got you away while they were lookin’ for the other guys! And now we’re alone again and it’s all safe, Mister J!”
“What!” He jumped up and away from her arms, leaving Harley posed to hug the empty air. “You mean after all of that work we’re left with nothing!?”
“But…but it was fun, right?” Harley stood as well, looking up at him nervously. “And it all went right—“
“Except that now you have lost me all of my new henchmen, not to mention that cold cash!”
“But Puddin’, it, it was all gonna blow up anyway! How were you gonna get it out?”
There was a long and very heavy silence. The Joker was facing away from her, his hands folded again behind his back. “I would have had better help if someone hadn’t made the wrong choice at the wrong moment,” he said finally, with a deadly calm.
“But it was Batgirl who—“
“You have been ruining all of my well-laid plans since the moment I so graciously took you under my wing!” He wheeled to turn on her and Harley shrank into herself at his words. “I don’t know what made me think it was ever a good idea to keep around a foolish, simpering excuse for a clown all this time!”
“But Puddin’ I’m sorry! I never wanted to do anything wrong, Mister J, I swear, I love you, I’m sorry!” Harley’s blonde pigtails shook and her big eyes filled up with unshed tears. She dropped down to her knees on the hard floor and looked up at him with such sadness. “Gimme just one more chance! Mister J, can’t you forgive me?”
The Joker stood looking down on her, his face in an eerily smiling snarl, fists clenched angrily behind his back as she pleaded with him. And suddenly the strangest feelings fluttered in the back of his twisted mind. His hands loosened, and for half a moment the smile on his face became more genuine. His eyes widened, and then narrowed again as he slapped the snarl back onto his lips. Harley shrank back even more to see him growing angrier than ever.
He forgave her. After all of her screw-ups and all of his losses, her total unwavering devotion had given her some level of protection. She had effectively saved his life. He forgave her for it.
This was completely unacceptable.
“Harley!” He shouted, turning back away from her as the girl jumped nervously to her feet. The Joker gritted his teeth as he raced his mind to develop a plan. “I should have known this would have to happen sooner or later, shouldn’t I?” His voice quickly grew more soft and lilting, back into the performing tone that he so often used.
“P-Puddin’?”
“Ah Harley, my girl. I just wish I’d prepared better for this!” He turned a wicked smile to her, and Harley didn’t know whether to be relieved or frightened. “You know, I can’t remember the last time I’ve had a little lady on my arm. I’d forgotten all those fuzzy sort of feelings that brings.”
Harley blinked the few tears away and broke into a smile. “Oh Mister J…”
“And I’d forgotten how much I hate those feelings!” His grin soured again and she stepped back from him. “They’re distracting, they’re unsettling, and they’ve gotten in the way of everything I stand for! And I’ve been putting up with them for far too long!” He advanced toward her until Harley stood with her back against the wall, with nowhere else to run. Only a few inches away from her, he stopped and smiled again. “Oh, lovers’ spats are so classic, aren’t they? I suppose I could think of worse ways to end this.” His fingers closed around the old standby, an old trick flower in his lapel. “Farewell, sweet Harley Quinn!” He cried with a laugh and an evil grin. “I shan’t forget you!”
His finger landed on the button and a jet of toxic gas streamed out of the flower and straight for Harley. His work done, the Joker turned away and began to walk, sure to be far enough away that the gas wouldn’t even try to bother him.
“You…did you just…you just tried…”
He nearly spun to look back behind him at her voice. Harley stood against the wall, the picture of shock, showing no effects from the poison but all of the grief of betrayal. She was shaking too hard even to point at him with the index finger she raised, trying to accept what had just happened.
The Joker just stared back at her, wondering how on earth she could possibly have survived. That dose of trick flower had killed dozens of people in the past, enough that he knew he could rely on it. There was no way that Harley could still be standing.
“You…you couldn’t have…Puddin’…” Her wide-eyed, disbelieving stare broke, and she shook her head quickly. “You tried to kill me!”
“Now, now, Harley, let’s not—“
“You did! You just—Mister J!” She was shaking from head to toe, starting to step forward as the Joker tried to cook up a plan B. “Why….and you said…you tried to kill me!” she repeated, still not quite able to absorb it.
“It was just a test, Harley!” He came up with, holding his arms out to her with a confident smile plastered to his face. “Dear girl, you don’t think I’d really—“
“No…no you did! I…I went through so much…” she started, swallowing hard over the lump forming in her throat, finding a deep anger that she had never tapped before. “I helped you! I cheated and I stole and I kidnapped and Mister J I killed people! And just to help you! Just for you! I love you! I love you so much I did all these things and now you tried to kill me!”
The Joker’s eyes narrowed again. “Alright fine! Have it your way, then.” He reached behind him and found an old wooden board, and rushed at her, wishing he had some better way of finishing his plan.
But Harley leapt out of the way with an agility that he hadn’t known she had. And now she couldn’t deny it any longer. With a last tearful gaze at the murderous man behind her, Harley bolted out of the warehouse and down the street, running as fast as she could, anywhere as long as it was away.
The Joker stood in place, slowly lowering his makeshift weapon and bringing his eyes away from the door. He threw the board angrily to the floor and it cracked loudly.
“Alright, go on. Go ahead,” he called into the room.
With barely a sound, Batman dropped down from someplace hidden and landed easily in front of the Joker.
“And how long have you been sitting there?” Joker asked, folding his arms in front of himself and looking away.
“Long enough,” Batman replied with a rare smirk.
“Well get it over with then.” The Joker sighed an extra-dramatic sigh and held out his wrists, but he turned his eyes back to Batman with a spark of his usual self. “I could use a nice vacation, don’t you think?”
Batman’s eyes narrowed, but he took the opportunity and quickly handcuffed his arch-enemy. “You won’t be getting out again. Not on my watch.”
“Batsy, you just keep those eyes open,” said the Joker, and he laughed. Batman grabbed his arm and began to lead him away, and the Joker didn’t put up another fight. “Watch out for the women though, they’ll get to ya. Us men have to stick together, eh?” He added with an elbow to Batman’s side.
Batman only gave him a withering glare, and marched him in silence back where he belonged.
*****
As the night began to grow darker, Poison Ivy relaxed. She wasn’t honestly expecting any more trouble from the Bats, but it was always nice not to be bothered after a clean getaway. Now the trouble was over, her outrage was appeased, and Ivy could go back to her solitary life.
Knock knock knock knock knock
Ivy sighed and hoisted herself out of her chair to get to the door.
A light rain had begun, making Harley’s pigtails droop heavily, and washing the remaining make-up away from her face. She did make a pathetic figure standing on Ivy’s doorstep. “Hi Ivy,” she said with a little wave of her hand.
“So you got out,” Ivy said with a little bit more tenderness than she’d meant to show. “Good. I was hoping you didn’t get too caught up in that mess.”
“You were, really?”
“Well…yeah,” Ivy admitted, and stood aside to let Harley in. “What happened, you look terrible.”
“I’m done with him!” Harley declared, letting her hands fall on her hips. “I’m done with all of it! I saw the kind of no-good guy he really is.”
“It’s about time.” Ivy broke into a real smile and started to search around the clutter of her little house to make up a second bed.
“No more Joker for me, ever!” Harley swore, and then looked sheepishly back at her friend. “But…well I don’t really have—“
“Don’t worry about it.” Ivy tossed a pillow to Harley and motioned for her to help set up. Harley grinned and set quickly to work. “To be honest, it was starting to get boring going out all on my own all the time. What do you say we make a new team for ourselves?”
Harley’s eyes lit up and she pumped a fist into the air. “Yeah! Harley and Ivy!”
“Or Ivy and Harley.”
“Or that,” she agreed quickly.
Both of the women looked at each other and began to laugh, and neither stopped for quite some time. The sound carried up to Ivy’s roof, and crouching in the damp shadows, Renee smiled herself.
“You done out there?” Barbara’s voice crackled through the headset that Batgirl wore. “Or is there anything else to clean up?”
“I’m good,” Renee answered, tossing a rope up to a higher building and swinging out of sight of the house. “I don’t think there’s anything else to worry about here, for now.”
A few stars poked through the cloudy night, and the slick pavement sparkled with the lights of Gotham City. The laughter of friends began to die down to quieter conversation, and a bat-shaped shadow darted across a streetlight, and for once, all was calm.
